Not every day

//Not every day

It still hits me sometimes.
Not every day, lol, no, no. Not every day.
It’s been 6 months already, of course not every day.
That’d be weird.
Every day, ha, I mean, hello?
I have a life.
No, really, it’s a life, not a distraction.
A great life, an exciting life, my life.
With new hopes and dreams, new good things, new me, new everything .
No new you though, how could I, when it still hits me sometimes.
BUT, as said, not every day.
Absolutely not every day.
That’d be weird.
When it does hit me it comes on strong, however.
It pierces through my heart. Pain I’ve never felt before.
It is as if my heart – an otherwise non-conscious, diligently working, non-complaining cogwheel in my system – wants to make itself known, again….
Violently.
It never used to be like that. It just did its job, never made much of a fuss.
It didn’t even know it could make a fuss, or anything, really.
You woke it, brought it to life, and now it is just that.
Alive.
Alive and alone.
That is why it hits me.
But it’s fine.
I mean, it’s not every day.
No, no, no, absolutely not every day.
Every day would be weird, after such a long time.
I’ve got a life to live, things to do, places to go, people to meet.
I am busy.
So yeah, no, not every day.
Sometimes it is a tooth gap, or lips I see, or excessive body hair.
Sometimes it’s sparked by nothing.
Then it hits me.
And I quietly scream in pain.
Don’t get me wrong, I can do pain. I am tough.
Not that kind of pain though, no, not that kind of pain.
So, I scream and hurt.
No, no.
Not again, not today.
I’ve got a life to live, things to do, places to go, people to meet.
Please not today.
“Fuck your life”, it says,
“Fuck your life. No one is ever talking to ME.”
Psst, no, please not again, not today, not every day.
Please not every god damn day.

2019-02-05T06:29:58+00:00Categories: Articles|

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VestorlockwoodJust_a_fi Recent comment authors
Just_a_fi
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Just_a_fi

Brilliantly written and a pleasure to read. Thank you for sharing 🙂

Vestorlockwood
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Vestorlockwood

Unique style, raw. Nice